The fax machine is like a biased child.

I think today is going to be the day that the fax machine pisses on everything I love.
Firstly, who the fuck even sends faxes anymore, why can't we email pantient files. ):
Damn internet hackers making it so we can't be quick and efficient.

I go to send a faw, and important fax that should only take a minute out of my day,
and it seems i'm spending the next ten minutes trying to coo the machine into working with me.
theres a line up, I'm getting all clammy, I can feel their eyes as they silently wait, almost waiting to kill.
Finally I step aside, and give a half hearted warning to the next office girl, "Watch out, it's not working too well"
"thanks"

THEN YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS? THE FAX SENDS, LIKE LIGHT SPEEND, AND SHE'S GONE AND SOON THE LINE HAS GONE THROUGH. In the time that it took me to FAIL at sending one fucking sheet of paper, over 6 people would have sent their faxes.

Finally I'm alone with it.
"Alright, faxy.. whats your beef"
*Well, you're kind of always in my face, you could try doing something that isn't pushing my buttons*
"this is my job, just let me do my job and i'll go, I promise"
*fine, go, put the paper in; don't forget to push 9 first*
"mhm thanks faxy"

I put the paper in, I punch in the numbers and the codes, and push send.I feel confident in my work, I believe that it's going to go through!

I wait, after the long dial tone, which sounds like what I would like to believe a fax machine laughing, it spits out a piece of paper.

"Status: Falied"

OU FUCKING KIDDING ME. FUCK YOU. OH LORD ALL MIGHTY WE HAVE SOMEONE WHO THINKS THEY CAN JUST PLAY GOD. WHO ARE YOU, WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU AAAAAARE.


(this is all taking place in my head, might I add, and I just stand there rubbing my temples)

tl;dr I hate fax machines. they're shit and hate only me.

This really will only apply to people who drive.

Firstly, can I just say that I don't drive, I have driven, but I don't drive legally. For reasons I won't express on this blog. This applies for others who drive, especially those who drive in front of me and whomever is drive me around. This will also mainly apply to Albertan drivers as well.. Sorry Alberta, You all suck at driving.

001. When you're going to fucking turn, you put on your turn signal. When you're going to fucking merge in front of me, you put on your turn signal, EVEN IF YOU'RE GOING TO TURN IN A PARKING LOT, YOU PUT ON YOUR TURN SIGNAL. You know what sucks more than you not putting on your turn signal, US NEARLY HITTING YOU BECAUSE YOU NEARLY STOPPED FOR NO APPARENT REASON, AND TO TAKE A LEFT FUCKING TURN. I hate left turns, I think people who take left turns without turn signals in advance suck the devils left nut for breakfast. This brings me to my second point.

002. Do you know what a fucking free flow lane is green Honda? Are you aware of how to drive in a free flow lane, YOU DO NOT COME TO A COMPLETE STOP, AND THEN WAIT, WHEN YOU HAVE LIKE 2 KILOMETRES OF LANE TO DRIVE IN AND WAIT TO MERGE. Also, it's not hard to fucking merge, and you can't merge into a 110 zone while going 60. Did you come from a place where you don't have major highways? I'm sorry you were so sheltered. Does your car not reach 110? if not then GET OFF THE FUCKING ROAD OKAY. I don't know how, but in Calgary it seems they have managed to have traffic come to a complete stop, on a fucking road that doesn't have ANY LIGHTS WHAT SO EVER. You know how they did that, how they manage to pull that magic out of their asses? they don't know how to fucking merge.

003. Okay, this one is justifiable, because they're not super popular in some places; if your city elects to get one of these though, please take the time out of your oh so busy life to learn how to drive around one. I'm talking about round-a-bouts. they're super super simple, and really take no work to learn, You yield to oncoming traffic, when you get into the circle, if you plan on exiting on the next exit, you stay on the outside, if it's anyone of the exits after that you stay on the inside until your exit comes up. AND THEN YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO USE. A FUCKING TURNING SIGNAL. OKAY?

004. Now, I'm not one to preach about this, because I really love it when guys in old cars, or land yachts, take up as many parking stalls as they can. At night time, or at the back of the lot might I add. But when you're driving a normal sized SUV and you park so far left or so far right of your box that the person next to you can't park or get to their car, then you're a fucking douche bag, and I'm going to key it into you fucking car. or leave you a hundred condom out of the package all over your car for no fucking reason. I will get dogs to pee on your car when it's hot out so your car reeks like piss forever. Really, theres no reason for you to not know how to park properly. If you learnt how to drive, you learnt how to park ( I can only hope )



Now, I think i'm done, as I was jotting all of these down on the drive to work this morning. I promise you I will add more to this, I just need to get back on the road, give me about 5 hours.